Low Point.

Yesterday I hit an all time low when it came to my relationship with Sam. It has been so crazy here which I have said before. Busy with family activities, extra sporting events, Sam in the field working late. It’s just me at home with the kiddos. Which isn’t bad at all I don’t mind it. If I am being honest though, it has it’s moments…they can’t be perfect all the time, but for whatever reason this weekend they were all just really naughty. We went to church Sunday, and I don’t think I have ever watched them be so freaking bad before. Yelling, crying, crawling under and over the pews, deciding that in the middle of the message they would just all play tag…like I can’t even make up the crap they did. It was just one thing after another. Literally the worst they have ever been. I was about to get up and walk out half way through church. Then afterwards, Heath got up front, and decided to crawl through the lectern, and we are the youngest ones who attend church. Well there was an older lady that decided to voice her opinion on Heath crawling through it. I just bit my tongue grabbed him from it, and didn’t even make eye contact with her and walked out. Like, lady have you not just witnessed how shitty these kids have been in church? I get it, he shouldn’t be crawling through it, but I can only do so much. Please don’t come up to me ever again and tell me how it’s such a blessing for my kids to be here when you’re going to be like that when they do one thing wrong. Yeah, maybe I took it to heart more than what I should have, but it’s that time of the month, and my kids were just awful. I didn’t want to hear it.

After church I made a stop at the greenhouse to grab one more perennial that got up rooted before I could plant it! Luck was on my side, because they only had one left. I called Sam on my way home from church and told him everything that happened. I knew he was busy today on trying to get stuff rolling and get ahead of the rain we are supposed to get. I got new garden beds and I wasn’t going to ask him about it getting dirt for them, so all I said was where is the dirt at and I can get it. Well once I got home he met me over to where the garden is at and we “tried” figuring it out. Between miscommunication and not understanding what we were both saying things escalated very fast. Our neighbors are not close like in town, but I am pretty sure they could have heard us yelling at each other, and hearing me yell things that I shouldn’t have said. I instantly regretted saying it, but the damage was already done. Well we tried it three more times and it still didn’t go as planned. I said fuck it threw my hands up and went inside. My little guy was still sleeping, so I snuggled up with him and took a nap myself. Later Sam came in and asked if we could get it figured out or it wouldn’t get done. I went back out with him and we finally came up with a plan and got it done. My garden for 2022 is officially done, fingers crossed we get something out of it! I don’t know why, but it doesn’t look the best. If it doesn’t work I guess we have family with big gardens that I bet they would share!

Sam and I are not good with apologies or speaking our words out loud, so we never really told each other sorry we just kind of knew we both were. Well Sam would be working late and most likely I would be in bed before he got in for the night. My oldest got home and I got two of the kiddos in bed, and the youngest one was still wild for sound. Sam called me and said why don’t you grab us a drink and come ride with me to get the last two loads. Cooper came back inside and watched Heath while I went with Sam. I literally bawled like a little baby, even though I was the biggest bitch I have ever been to him he still was putting my first and trying to get us 30 minutes of just us since we haven’t had that in months or so it feels. This man really is one of the best, and I love him so much for being him. He really is the real MVP when it comes to this marriage. He probably takes way more shit than what he should have to, but dammit we make a good team.

I know there are a lot of you mama’s or even farm wives who may feel lonely, excluded, exhausted, an emotional wreck, overwhelmed, just over all stressed. Trust me, those husbands/farmers, are thinking about you even when they are busy knocking out the acres, and chores they have to finish up. Lean hard on your village…that too I have heard many of times this year. It’s so true, lean on those that are there. It’s not giving up, it’s not a sign of being weak, it’s a sign of courage and strength knowing that you HAVE that village to lean on and get the help you may need!

You got this mama!

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