One Day You Will Understand.

It’s late, but I am taking this time in silence to reflect on my day. Sometimes I wonder how I keep pushing through these tough days or busy days. The Lord put me here and in this life of mine because he knew I could handle it. Another busy night for Sam in the field/working to beat the rain. I think we had supper at the time kids should have been getting to bed, and then they got to bed an hour after their bedtimes. It’s almost summer…almost. I think that’s what makes it so hard, knowing that it’s just me getting all the kids ready at night and needing to get them in bed at a certain time because they have school. If it’s summer then I have a little break when it comes to getting them in bed at a certain time and less stress about getting everything done on time.

When I was tucking Rylee into bed, we always have our traditional nightly saying, Good night…I love you, I will see you in the morning. We do not go to bed unless we tell each other that. When Sam is working late she always has me tell dad that for her. The other night was different, she made the comment about how she never gets to see him anymore. I had to hold back the tears so they were not flowing down my cheeks. I told her I know, at night we don’t get to see him much and it’s hit or miss during the day. I reminded her that it’s his busy time of the year with planting. My heart broke a little bit, I think this is the first time a child has told me that we don’t get to see daddy much. Yes, they tell me they miss him but this just hit differently.

I hope she understands, I know as a child I didn’t fully understand why dad wasn’t home or why dad couldn’t ever make it to my sporting events and so on. It really didn’t hit me until I became a farmer’s wife. While I grew up I knew the minimum as to why dad wasn’t around, but I didn’t understand the importance as to why dad wasn’t around. I have to give it to Sam though, I certainly let him know when the kids have something like a game, concert, or something along those lines. I never expect him to make every sporting event or every special event that the kids have…because well that’s just too much. My hopes are that he at least makes one sporting event game of each season if possible, I know some times that is pushing it depending on the time of year and season we are in. I know he tries the best that he can and I know he would love to make them all, but what he does as a living he can’t afford to miss multiple days of good working days to drop everything for a game.

I just hope that my kids understand the simplicity of why dad can’t make it to everything now, and then as they grow up it will fully click to them as to why dad couldn’t make everything. Once they see the fuller picture I hope they get it and understand. Life as a farm kid has certain advantages and disadvantages, but we strive to make it well worth it for our family.

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