The Feeling of Comparison

Family picture by Claire Mayo Photography in 2020

We all do it, we sit there and just compare ourselves to everyone. Especially those that we can relate to the most. The other moms, the other wives, the other farmer’s wives, the list can truly go on and on. I am all of the above. I compare myself the most when it comes to a farmer’s wife. I know many of them and they are always on top of it all. Delivering breakfast, lunch, and supper to their farmer’s, keeping the house in check, all while keeping the kids alive and cared for. Plus, they are out there working livestock and helping with planting and harvest. As a child my dad farmed, so I have been around it my whole life. I have just never been one to run equipment enough to be comfortable around it for the big stuff.

When my farmer and I were dating/engaged I was out there every chance I could to help him. Even would put in bales for the cattle when they needed it by myself. Fast forward 9 months we are married and a year after that we welcome our first child. I was still out there helping every chance I could, but it became fewer and fewer and even more so when we added two more kiddos to the family. After having our youngest I would find little things for me to serve to him for food, and take on little work things I was capable of doing with a little one. I am slowly becoming more helpful or trying to be when it comes to him needing or asking me to help.

When I was home with the little one I was able to give him lunch when he needed it. I know he appreciated it, and then when I started back up to work I felt bad because he was back to his granola bar, crackers, and homemade uncrustables he devoured for breakfast, lunch, and supper! I knew I wanted to be able to do something for him while I was gone at work to make him have a little more to eat than snack items. I decided I would make little deli sandwiches and have them available to grab whenever he needed plus some cookies, chips and other snack items to make up a decent/quick lunch. Something I can easily put together in no time and just continue to monitor and fill when needed.

Well then here comes harvest, in the previous years it would be a hit or miss whether I have something for him or not when it came to supper. I know how awful is that. He would always tell me he was fine, but I hated knowing he would really probably appreciate it and here I was just going with what he said. This year I have decided when I can I will take a warm meal out to the field for the guys so they stay full and don’t have to quit to come in for something. It’s been going good so far! Usually I can put something in the crock-pot and not have to worry about it until it’s time to deliver it, but it is definitely making me be creative with meals since they eat in the tractor, combine, or semi.

My husband and I are people who never really voice our thoughts the best. I mean we will, but usually it’s just something super simple and nothing too elaborate…also not all the time either. That’s just how we are and we just “know” to the best that we can how or what we think or mean.(confusing maybe a little but it makes sense to me) Yeah sometimes it bites us in the butt, however we manage. Anyways, I know he is appreciative of me keeping the fridge stocked for literally anyone and everyone. I know he appreciates me bringing warm meals out to the whole crew. He does thank me for that, but it didn’t really sink in until my dad sent me a screenshot of a Snap that my farmer sent to him. At the time I received it I was in the process of giving our kids a bath not stressing or anything I am just doing my life. Then I get the text and read the snap picture he sent my dad. A picture of the food I had just brought out to him with the message saying “You should be proud of your daughter! Wrangles all those kids every day, keeps the garage fridge full of food for us for lunch and then brings supper to the field most nights” Cue the tears rolling down my cheeks. Immediately saving that to have to look at on those hard days where I might feel like I am not enough. In that moment not knowing how to drive all the equipment and everything else felt so little. I felt like on top of the world, and that yes even though I can’t do it all…what I do DOES MATTER, it doesn’t go unseen and it IS appreciated. I am here to say, don’t be hard on yourself, don’t compare yourself, just try your best to do something little and I promise you that it will not go unnoticed. No matter how big or small your role/part is it will make a difference. You’ve got this!

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